Hi, I'm Rachel, mum to Emilie (3 years) and Cadence (1 year) and step-mum to Madison (12 years). I am a FIFO wife in Perth, Western Australia with my husband on a 2-on, 2-off roster.

I have been coping with Post-Natal Anxiety (PNA) and Post-Natal Depression (PND) since the birth of my youngest daughter, Cadence in April 2012. Both Em and Cadie have congenital medical complications which adds another dimension to motherhood. Emilie has severe Laryngomalacia, mild asthma, Type I Laryngeal Cleft, Sensory Processing Disorder (aka Sensory Integration Dysfunction) and moderate Genu Valgus with bilateral femoral anteversion. Cadence has mild Laryngomalacia, Tracheomalacia, Laryngospasm and Gastro-Oesophageal Reflux.

This is my blog, a place where I can vent and create my own therapeutic world. It will not be written chronologically, rather I will add to this blog bit-by-bit with writings about different times in my life. Some will be happy, some will be sad. But ultimately my aim is to unburden myself of any trauma I have experienced in my life so I can get on with being the mummy my kids deserve.



Saturday 26 January 2013

What family support?

It's been a while since I blogged in here... to be honest I haven't really felt like writing. But I know I've needed to get a few things out, but I still don't really have the energy or the time to do it! I feel like my days are filled with being my family's crutch/maid/scapegoat. I am starting to change how I feel because of the medication I am no longer in a deep pit of depression. But while my mood has been lifted by medication, my environment hasn't really changed much. I am talking about family support. Don't get me wrong, my family is wonderful and I love them all. My husband is so domesticated and helpful, my step-daughter is fun to have around and chat with, Emilie is very playful and Cadence is such a cuddle bug. I suppose I am just wanting things from them that they are not necessarily prepared to give. I desperately want affection from Paul, but he is more the "doing" type, he will "do" things for me to show me he loves me (which I am so lucky to have since not many wives can say that!) Madison, I suppose I really crave her friendship, which she has been giving since school holidays, but during term she can be crabby and have a "teen attitude" toward me. Emilie is always on the go and I crave her affection too, but she is not an affectionate child. Cadence on the other hand is extremely affectionate and I am savouring each wonderful cuddle we have, although her clinginess and separation anxiety can be overwhelming and tiring! I guess what I am saying is, I'm trying really hard to fit into the profile that the rest of my family want me to be. The cook, the cleaner, the laundromat, the chauffeur, the ATM, the comforter, the disciplinarian, the sex goddess (lol) but no one seems to make the effort to give into my emotional needs, even though I desperately need it before I can truly overcome PND and PNA. I have come so far with my own mood, wanting to change, making it happen, trying to improve my environment and daily schedules to accomodate my own happiness but there is still something missing and I think it may be compassion from my family. There is no time for PND in my household. No one really cares that I am going through this. So for now I'll just have to be happy with what I have and forgive them all (toddler and baby exempt due to age of course) and try to make my own happiness.
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